I have moments when my tummy is filled with butterflies, only not the good, exciting kind, the kind where you feel like you’ve done something wrong, or something bad is going to happen. That churning in your stomach. Then comes the heavy sighing. I begin to lose the ability to breathe normally, I can only breathe through taken a huge breath in, then letting it out in a strong sigh. It’s as if i’m trying to achieve a sigh of relief but I just can’t reach it, or like i’m trying to catch my breath but it’s already been caught, it just didn’t take the bate. Then it starts; the need to cry. To let everything out, shout, sob into my pillow, and flood my room, just completely breakdown. So I squeeze my eyes together tight, my throat goes dry, there’s a lump in the back of my throat, my breath begins to quivers.. no tears. Nothing. I push myself again and again and again, I think to myself, JUST CRY! But I can’t. So I return to my uncontrollable sighing, my churning stomach, and I try to do something to keep my mind of it. I try to sleep, but there’s no chance, so I go on the internet all night, find something to make me laugh, feel anything but my stomach. Until finally, it passes. I go back to acting as if nothing was wrong. My brief moment of indulgence.. except I didn’t get to indulge.